Those Words from A Dad That Saved Me as a Brand-New Parent

"I believe I was just trying to survive for the first year."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the challenges of being a father.

But the truth rapidly turned out to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health issues surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every nappy change… every stroll. The duty of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he burnt out. It was a chat with his parent, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support.

The straightforward phrases "You are not in a healthy space. You need assistance. In what way can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and find a way back.

His situation is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While the public is now more comfortable discussing the stress on mothers and about postpartum depression, less is said about the challenges fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his challenges are part of a wider reluctance to talk amongst men, who continue to hold onto damaging perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and doesn't fall time and again."

"It's not a display of weakness to ask for help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not justified to be asking for help" - most notably in preference to a mother and child - but she highlights their mental health is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the space to ask for a respite - going on a short trip away, away from the family home, to see things clearly.

He came to see he needed to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's feelings in addition to the practical tasks of looking after a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has changed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotion and make sense of his parenting choices.

The idea of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have reliable male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, long-standing emotional pain caused his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "poor choices" when younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as an escape from the anguish.

"You find your way to substances that don't help," he says. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Advice for Getting By as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you feel overwhelmed, confide in a family member, your other half or a therapist about your state of mind. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the things that made you feel like you before having a baby. This might be going for a run, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical stuff - a good diet, staying active and where possible, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mind is doing.
• Spend time with other new dads - sharing their stories, the challenges, as well as the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that asking for help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the best way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the death, having had no contact with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead provide the security and emotional support he lacked.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - managing the frustrations constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men since they confronted their pain, changed how they communicate, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, sometimes I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you what to do, but actually, it's a dialogue. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."