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Elara is a passionate writer and innovation coach, sharing her expertise to help others unlock their creative potential.
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Tech District, CA 94105
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Balancing the Yearning for Spontaneous Intimacy While Pursuing a Committed Partnership
Being a gay man in my late 40s, my life has involved numerous, mostly pleasurable years pursuing casual sex with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I had a serious relationship that lasted four years, however it never fully satisfied me, in that I didn't experience love or intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, my constant desire has been for uncommitted intimacy. Every time I begin seeing any man, once the newness dwindles, I always get the urge to be intimate with other men once more.
Reflecting on the Possibility of Monogamy
I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to maintain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that numerous homosexual males engage in non-monogamous arrangements, but when I’ve witnessed them, they have seemed like hard work, frequently causing lots of heartache and envy for everyone involved. In many ways, I desire a partner to care for me while letting me pursue other intimacies, but I dread to imagine the emotional drain this would cause. Is it best to keep having spontaneous encounters and acknowledge that a lasting partnership is not possible? I’m feeling somewhat confused.
Each individual's sexual journey fluctuates. Try not to think of your relationship needs or your capacity to handle various forms of intimate connections in a finite way. Your needs in your current state may well change in the future; eventually you may find yourself more decisive and find some clarity and a comfortable path … or not. At some point you might meet a person who provides a transformative opportunity to you through mirroring your desires completely … and at another point you might decide that casual connections suit you best. Fretting over what lies ahead and playing endless speculation is simply rooted in fear and squandering of your energy. Try to be in the moment with your partners, and recognize the worth of each person you connect with intimately an intimate bond. When and if you are ever ready to strengthen genuine closeness with one partner, you will know.
- Pamela Stephenson Connolly practices as a US-based therapy professional focusing on treating sexual disorders.
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